Hello 11/09/90

Hello!

Deb was baptized this Saturday. It was the most crowded baptism I have ever seen. So many people came to support her that it was basically standing room only. She works at an elementary school and so many families came. It was wonderful.

I love both my companions so much. Sister Lamb is a dedicated worker and Sister Brown is so sincere, she truly will be a powerhouse of a missionary.

This work is so important, and I think each of us has the desire to be a perfect missionary, but we each have so far to go. The more I learn about the gospel, the more I realize how far I am from the mark. I absolutely dislike human weaknesses. It’s frustrating that even when you try…you can always do something a little bit better. The MTC, Preach My Gospel, and the handbook show you what an ideal missionary should be, but it can get overwhelming when there is so much to improve upon all at once. There are so many things expected of us, it's easy to recognize your inadequacies.

The mission is a learning process, I don’t think we can be perfect at once. How many missionaries go home saying that they wish they could start the mission over now that they know HOW to do it. I’m terrified of the time I don’t have left! It is very scary. I really don’t want to waste any of it! Complacency in the daily routine is so scary.

But the Lord needs willing servants to do his work in the latter-days. There are so few of us, that despite our inadequacies, so much good still gets done. Every little good thing that happens pleases our Heavenly Father so much. And I think he realizes that we’re trying to learn how to do this. Somehow, the Spirit can still work through us, despite our weaknesses. NOTHING can stop the work from progressing…even our own inadequacies. I love hearing stories about people who feel as if they are butchering the message, and little do they know that someone else felt the Spirit. The Lord merely needs us to open our mouths. He’ll make up for the rest.

Sister Lamb told me about a story regarding a woman whose friend was asking her questions about the Church. As she was telling the Joseph Smith Story, she started laughing. She was thinking about how it all must sound to someone who wasn't a member. She felt that it all sounded ridiculous. After the conversation, her friend went home and the member felt awful. She had mocked what she knew to be true. For the next month, she worried about how she had portrayed the gospel. Then one day her friend approached her and said that she had had a powerful witness of the truthfulness of the message. It just goes to show that the Lord works though us in ways we don't understand.

Training is an interesting experience because it makes you look back at the things you have learned throughout different situations and difficulties on the mission.

The first few months of the mission are such an emotional roller coaster. But I realized some time ago that I feel as though I’ve reached a point where it feels normal. This is my life, and I love it. I no longer feel isolated, or as if I’m missing things back home. I think it takes time to come to that point. But I LOVE it! This is my life. I've heard horror stories of what it's like to come home. I'm beginning to see why it is so hard.

I’ve learned that the mission is really one of the only times in our lives where we are forced to rely on the Lord. If you have problems, you don’t get to call Mommy and Daddy. Companions sometimes don’t understand. There is no one to physically give you an immediate response or even a hug. But the Lord respond’s to His missionaries’ cries immediately.

I am so happy in this area. I fasted and prayed very hard a little while before I got transferred here that there would be success. Heavenly Father answered my prayer in ways I couldn’t have expected. I think the prayers of Heavenly Father’s missionaries are very dear to him. I never thought I would love Albuquerque so much!